Narc Accomodator Recovery & Set backs

Ok, my sibling has agreed to let me speak alone. I’ve received criticism for ‘seeing’ NPD every where. Fair enough; seek and ye shall find. If all you look for is XYZ, then that is all you will find.

I began speaking about NPD,- very hesitantly- in some forums, because I really do enjoy that board and didn’t want to step on toes. However, I finally realized that some self defense/coping skills had kicked in, as well- that if someone is mad at you for what you said, you don’t deserve to speak any more.

Narc Accomodators and Survivors learn that we do NOT have the same rights as everyone else; we are, at best, second class citizens. We spend our lives in conflict of angrily fighting ‘injustice and double standard’ that we are worthy and have rights, but then acquiescing to that unworthiness within the confines of our personal relationships with narcs.

The Road of Recovery for a Narcissist Accomodator/Survivor is an ongoing challenge. This is no different than any other Recovery; we have set backs and the return of old behaviors or old conditioned responses. All we can do is to study what happened to understand the responses and find better ways of ‘coping and responding’ in the future.

How do I know the Coffee Party Movement is the Carefully Created Universe of Narcs? Because of my conditioned, instinctive response to their Founder’s speech.

I was furious. That self centered, ignorant, spoiled brat! Doesn’t she see that those folks she wants to ‘get out of the way’ are AMERICANS?! Is she trying to say that HER PEOPLE are MORE EQUAL than those Americans she wants out of the way?! Doesn’t she understand that what She and Her people want, could hurt millions of folks, and that is what the Obstructionists are fighting?! Congress stop fighting and get to work!? Is she stupid?! Has she not read any American history?! Congress Fighting Over the Issues is the backbone of how they work; and they’ve done that from the first meeting in 1776!

The next morning, it was staring me in the face: If you are tempted to call an adult infantile or a spoiled brat.... you’ve been narced. My instinctive-conditioned response was my internal conflict of being devalued by a narc, and her manipulations and machinations were so subtle and clever,.... that even I didn’t see the devious nature... at first.

If you do fall victim to a narc, don't feel stupid. They are very, very, very, good at their manipulations and machinations. Even survivors get 'decieved' by some of them.

They are Tired of the Obama-Hitler Comparisons

One of us read a blog entry that went into great detail about World War II and the Nazis and Hitler and that this person's father was a prisoner in a German POW camp. The father had first hand experience of the cruelty of Nazi's and Hitler. This person was tired of seeing swatzstikas and 'Nazi' being blazoned over Obama's Face or on signs at the Health Care Rallies and this person was tired of people comparing Obama to Hitler. And in a very eloquent speech of heart wrenching tears, this person some how considered these Comparisons as an Insult to the Father and that Generation.
You can read the blog entry here:
http://www.themudflats.net/2009/08/21/nazis/

Since we knew that the author would never post my response, we put it here:

I disagree that Obama's Healthcare will 'up lift' any one, nor will it allow people any type of health care. This isn't Politics, this is simple math.

We currently have a shortage of doctors for the people who do go to doctors; predictions are saying (if nothing changes and Obama's plan is defeated) we will still be short up to 200,000 doctors in a matter of years.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-03-02-doctor-shortage_x.htm

Obama's plan has absolutely NO contingencies for how our current shortage of doctors is suddenly going to be able to care for millions more patients. This isn't politics; this isn't money; this is plain and simple math.

The doctor to patient ratio will soar exponentially. This will mean lengthy waits for doctor's appointments; and it will mean a rationing of care- NOT JUST FOR THE ELDERLY, BUT FOR EVERYONE.

There aren't enough doctors now, how can that possibly IMPROVE, when millions more people try to visit a doctor? Even a 3rd grade student can see that several hundred thousand doctors cannot take care of millions and millions of patients.

Using Canada's system is a recipe for disaster... even the Canadian Medical Association recently said "their system is imploding."
http://www.google.com/hostednews/canadianpress/article/ALeqM5jbjzPEY0Y3bvRD335rGu_Z3KXoQw

I could respect your feelings on folks calling each other names, but then you don’t chastise your followers for doing the very thing you speak against. If you are going to chastise someone for calling names, then you should chastise your followers as eloquently as you did your opponents.

I’m afraid you aren’t fully aware that comparisons of Hitler to Obama deal with a Personality disorder- not Politics. A personality disorder that allows the person to lie through their teeth so eloquently that people gobble it up as Gospel Truth; it allows them to be unbelievably cruel and gloriously Charming in the next breath.

Narcissists are Chameleons; Snake Charmers; Con Men of the greatest skill. They are great Orators, but they never actually DO anything to accomplish their lofty goals; no, the rely on others around them to work furiously to make those dreams come true, which rarely do. They are arrogant and condescending, but they speak so well, that this is disguised as confidence.

Hitler was a Pathological Narcissist-NPD allowed him to be so cruel and consider it a Hero's Job Well Done. Obama's actions and personality traits are indicative of his having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is the comparison; not their politics.

I truly do respect your thoughts on Hitler's cruelty and comparisons to anyone else will seem disrespectful. For those of us who live with Narcissists, we can see Obama as the Hitler of the 1920's: a wonderful Orator who could rally folks, and make them see a better future under his leadership... until the People gave him absolute power over them, and then they discovered that he felt a responsibility to only one person and he would stop at NOTHING to get what he wanted.

Obama's rush- gotta get this Health Care Bill Passed NOW! DON'T READ THE DA*N BILL JUST GET IT PASSED. I KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR THIS COUNTY AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT FOR DOUBTING MY GREATNESS AND MY VISION.

Yes, this is EXACTLY what he is saying about folks who are simply asking questions about the Numbers That Don’t Add Up. He was so concerned that he set up a Spy network for common folks to ‘report anyone mis-speaking about the Bill.’ Since when did a Government need it’s people to Report what someone else said? Hitler did this to control the backlash against him. http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/Facts-Are-Stubborn-Things/
Ironic that Obama got the FACTS WRONG: AARP does NOT support the bill.
http://blogs.wsj.com/health/2009/08/21/health-reform-aarp-astroturf-and-the-co-op-public-plan/
Well, Narcissists will say anything to cover their lies, or lie to make their wishes come true.

All of these are the actions of a Narcissist not caring how this will affect folks, how it will affect our children and grand children, not caring how much it will cost; not seeing that the Doctor Numbers simply don't add up to the Patient Numbers; this is a Narcissist stopping at nothing to get what he wants: the adoration of the multitudes and when they turn on him for not delivering what he promised... well, he has already used one of Hitlers’ tactics, we can most certainly expect more of the same.

I do respect your father and I am honored by his sacrifice and service. One of my godsons received the Silver Star in Iraq and his brother was beside the hole when they pulled Hussein out; my father served in the Air Force, and I have always lived in a town with a military base or two... so I do understand the sacrifice and I respect the service. But I take offense to your leap of logic that folks seeing the similarities between two powerful people is somehow an insult towards your father. Your Father’s generation would be the first to say that it isn’t.

Now, I don't expect you to post this, and I do apologize for being blunt... but if you are buying Obama's Beautiful words, then you are one of his victims; just as the German People were Hitler’s victims. That is what Narcissists are good at: Beautiful Speeches full of Sound and Fury; signifying nothing.

Narcissists in Movies, Books, Television

Clinical descriptions and personal stories don't always provide a clear picture of what and who a Narc is.
The following is a list of characters we've seen that should help folks better understand the various facets and behaviors of narcs.

This list will be ever growing, as we find more entries to add to it. For praticality, the entries are Alphabetically listed.

Everybody Loves Raymond- Raymond, Marie and Frank are typical Narcs. Robert, Amy, and Debra are their Accomodators. Accomodators aren't necessarily Enablers, since it is in the best interest of the Accomodator to 'enable' the Narc. Accomodating is a self defense reaction from living with narcs.
Accomodators learn how to accomodate the Narc's needs, as a means of protecting themselves from the retribution of the Narc.

Gone With the Wind- Scarlet O'Hara is a narc who uses manipulation to secure her own needs, and how her troubles always seem more horrorific than everyone around her.

King of Queens- Carrie and Doug are both mild narcs; Carries' Father is a pathological narc. It is the use of manipulation and trickery to secure their needs that puts them in the category of narcs. They openly discuss actions that are 'wrong' but then they find the delusions to make those Wrong Actions acceptable.

Married With Children-Peg, and Kelly are the Narcs; Al is their Accomodator, Bud is their victim for Deflation. This is another excellent 'exageration' of narcs working so hard to manipulate folks into seeing to their own needs, based on their desparation and lack of resources for supplying those needs. The childrens' antics to find food, is a great way to view narcs in their own antics to manipulate others around them.

Mosquito Coast- Harrison Ford, River Phoenix. This is a disturbing but accurate portrayal of a narc, with all the Grandiose Speeches and Dreams; the idoit savant talent; the lack of concern for those around them; the eventual paranoia and the destruction of individuals who blindly follow a narc.

Sienfeld- all of the major characters have varying degrees of narcissism. Their constant frustrations that create the comedy of the show are examples of what Narcs go through every day in trying to manipulate others to see to their needs.

The Simpsons- Homer is a narc, in that, he rarely sees to the needs of his family, and always sees to his own needs. The fact his family, always accepts him after a catastrophe accurately reflects how family members learn to Accomodate a Narc .

Sleeping with the Enemy- an accurate picture of a Physically Abusive Narc, including the obessive/compulsive tendancies, the manipulations, the over reactions and lack of real praise. However, we caution against believing this 'limited' picture of a narc. This will provide a Taste of what a narc is like, but by no means a full Meal. Mosquito Coast is more of a meal in describing the average Narc.

Will and Grace- all four main characters have varying levels of narcissism. Jack's inability to care for himself, and the need to 'rely on the kindness of friends' to see to his every need is an accurate 'exageration' of what a narc does. The difference with Jack and most narcs is that Jack isn't as malicious with his manipulations, as most narcs are.