Monday, March 8, 2010

Forgiveness & Absolution- Not the Same

We had a discussion recently about the need to forgive narcs in our heart, but not when they half heatedly ask for forgiveness of some wrong they've done. It forced us to really think and differentiate between Forgiveness and Absolution or Accountability.

Normals, will feel shame and guilt and want to seek forgiveness of someone. Normals are humble; they accept and acknowledge their role in the disagreement; they don't dismiss their mistakes or try to lessen their transgressions. Normals don't make an issue of the other person's transgressions (dodge responsibility), because they are repentant. Normals know they did wrong, and it doesn't matter what triggered it; it was wrong, and they want to acknowledge they were wrong. Normals acknowldege that they feel horrible at how they made the other person feel.

Narcs, on the other hand, have no compassion, so they never acknowledge how badly they make other people feel. They feel no remorse for the harm they cause, on the contrary, they try to blame the other person for causing them to make their mistake. They do try to lessen the severity of their transgressions by putting the blame on someone else. They are rarely repentant.

However, some narcs have learned that if they ask for forgiveness, it accomplishes all that they want: absolution for their mistake and they don't have change one iota to receive that absolution. They don't have to feel the guilt or remorse and with a few select words their mistake disappears. They can utter a few words the the Accountability for their actions disappears.

I've advised folks to NOT forgive a narc in that type of situation, since that will enable that narc to make the same mistake over and over and over again. Without that guilt, to firmly plant the 'wrongness' of an action into our brains, we won't learn to stop those behaviors- but especially a narc.
And a friend reminded us of the true nature of forgiveness. That it is the act of letting go hurts, regardless if the offender has made amends or acknowledged their role in the transgression. It is in the hands of God to determine the justice, and that is not forgiveness. That Christ was our attonement, and we should forgive without question and without reservations.

When it comes to narcs, they don't really want Forgiveness, they want to Not Be Held Accountable for their actions; they want absolution. Confusing and contrived semantics, we know, but with narcs that very thin line of distinction is there.

Narcs will demand absolution without repenting. They want their sins to be magically whisked away each and every time, so they DON'T have to change, or feel guilt or shame or think about others first, or behave as Christ directed (love your neighbor as yourself).

Survivors and Accomadators of Narcs, MUST forgive them, because truly they don't know what they are doing; and our sanity and survival depend on the release of hurts that forgiveness brings to our hearts..

Narcs have discovered that the Ways of Evil are so much easier and successful at getting what they want; but they aren't consciously evil. That conundrum will drive Accomodators and Survivors crazy without that Forgiveness towards Narcs. Forgiveness offers Surviors the release of pain and suffering, otherwise they go crazy in a variety of ways: addictions and unhealthy compulsions, or they committ suicide whether that is physical, emotional or spiritual.

Forgiveness is a Spiritual Matter; intangible, a matter of faith. Accountability- or more succinctly Absolution -is Physical, and Tangible: the part where the offender must acknowledge what they did was wrong and regret their actions, then make ammends for the harm they caused.

For a narc, the most grievious, deadly sin is to admit they were wrong, and make ammends for their mistake. Accountablilty is a Narc's Kryptonite.

We had to learn the subtle differences between Forgiveness and Absolution; and with the narcs in our life: NEVER confuse the two. We must forgive narcs in our heart; it saved our sanity.

That is one of those boundaries we discuss: decide at what point you will be willing to offer Absolution to a narc, without their true repentance. What transgressions can you forgive and offer aboslution towards, with NO REPENTANCE from the narc, and they will most likely blame you for the transgression.

Which mountain are you willing to die on; which issue is worth the battle? Find those issues, and draw that line in the sand. And be firm: no absolution without repentance... and with time and persistance and tenacity, the narc will learn that one boundary.

Coffee Party Movement, a Carefully Constructed Universe

We were recently alerted to a New and Improved political movement known as the Coffee Party Movement, which grew from the rantings of a very young lady on her FaceBook page. You can read more about their movement at the link below, as well as, see the video that we transcribed for this editorial.

This speech, by the Coffee Party Movement founder- Annabel Park, is an excellent example of hypnotizing that Narcs do so easily. Her thoughts and ideas are general in nature with sentiment that appeal to everyone, but until you begin to look for those narcissistic ‘tells,’ you really can’t see how devious this is.

We present the speech, with our notes at the end. Can you spot those D List and Narc behaviors that are so cleverly hidden? I’ve numbered the paragraphs/topics to help identify any notes for that paragraph at the end of the speech.

1. I wanted to... umm... tell you about a group that started on FaceBook a couple weeks ago. I kinda lost it and started ranting on my FaceBook page about the frustration I felt listening to news coverage that made it seem like a Tea Party was umm representative of uhhh America.

2. I completely disagree with this. And I started, youknow, writing comments about it on my FaceBook Page and then there was a flurry of ..[giggle] instant feedback from other people who agreed with me and similarly felt pent up and frustrated.

3. The Group is called The Coffee Party Movement and obviously we are referencing the Tea Party and we are an alternative to the Tea Party (sic- run on sentence).

4. And we want to see cooperation umm in (sic) among people in congress and government. And we want to see people who are representing us move towards solutions for the problems... instead of... you know...strategically obstructing any form of progress. Many people feel this is an effective electoral strategy to win youknow Republican seats in 2010.

5. And we object to {stutter} Obstructionism and extreme political tactics that are- I think- fear based, not reality based, and in many ways (sic)deliberate misinformation....
So we are organizing. We want people to understand that we are voters and we're going to come out to vote. We’re going to participate in the process. We are going to make sure that we hold folks accountable for Obstructing Progress in Government.

7. We need everyone engaged in the political process; that is the only way our government can function as an expression of our collective will.

8. We need people in this country and the media to understand: That this is America! We believe that we are representing ordinary Americans. And we believe that we are in the Majority.

9. We really have a collection of people who value diversity; are diverse; and we are completely comfortable with the changing demographics of our country.

10. You know, I think that it’s human for people to be nervous about, youknow changes in their neighborhood and in the demographics of this country, but it’s not something that should be encouraged. And it certainly should not be an opportunity for political gain. And (sic) and I think really the Politicians are exploiting that fear and anxiety for political gain, they’re really the worst.

11. We’re not saying that we have all the solutions, but we need cooperation to solve problems.

12. Youknow if you have people who are out to obstruct, even dialog, then we can’t have a functioning government (sic- run on sentence) and I think that it might be that , youknow, we have some solutions that are more in line with Fiscal Conservative, but we do know that none of these things can be considered at this point, because we are so divided and the process has broken down. That's why we are organizing because the process has broken down.

13.Do you want to see cooperation or do you want to see obstructionism in Congress?
14. Do you believe the government can help us address these enormous problems we are facing? You know.. If you don't believe the government has any role... then...yeah sure, you should join the Tea Party.

15. But, youknow, there are many of us who believe we have to have the government addressing these things; representing our interests.

16. People in Congress... they are paid by us; we hire them. Okay, they work for us, right? They don’t work for corporations or a sliver of our demographic; they are supposed to represent us. That’s their job.

17. And we need to start acting like Bosses. We need to start acting like thethe Board of Directors, like, we need them to get to work! youknow Instead of fighting! And we need people to get out of the way. So this is an open invitation for people to participate believing that the government should function for our interests.

NPD Notes... each note is addressing the corresponding topic from Annabell Park's speech above:

1. Any public venue such as FaceBook is a Narc’s feasting grounds. The public display, adoration, potential for defensive situations, self controlled privacy settings with the option of no privacy, the ability to block individuals, all of this can cater to a Narc’s need for admiration while control those who will disrupt the delusions.

2. Oh, she is PC by saying that she Disagrees that the Tea Party represents Americans, but it is her giggle that folks started agreeing with her that is her ‘tell.’ She was giddy that she had so many folks who would validate her beliefs, ie, supply her with someone to bolster the delusions.

3. This infantile tactic of creating a group that is diametrically opposed to a well established more popular group- is something that most of us out grew in junior high. This is a narc wanting to Dismiss and Destroy something that is impeding the forward momentum towards their goal;

4. Narcs cannot tolerate any disruption of the delusions, nor anyone preventing the momentum towards what they want. She demonizes the opposition by inferring they are obstructing good and valued legislation that ‘will help people.’ The failure of her logic is that, this obstructing is a direct result of Americans who believe it will PROTECT a very large number of people.

5. Dismiss, demean and destroy any arguments that disrupt their delusions.

6. This is a common tactic for the narcs in our lives: threaten folks with something that most of us would find lame. This is tied to their delusions of grandeur that because ‘they of the specialness’ are gathering to stop you, you must be afraid and stop what you are doing so they don’t have to do anything.

7. Oh this is a major Tell: Our Collective Will. Although she says it as a general Third Person voice... that ‘royal habit’ of speaking of oneself in the third person is there. She is trying to lend validation and credibility to her movement by including ALL of Americans within that Collective Will. The failure of her logic is that her values and beliefs DO NOT represent a huge number of Americans.

8. Narcs love to state the obvious, since no one can argue with them, but it also is an appeal to draw folks in. State an obvious frustration and you will get folks attention. Another tell of her NPD, they Believe they are the Majority... and open invitation to come join her Carefully Constructed Universe or you risk not being a part of the more Popular Group. Sure, her opinions echo the vast majority of folks who are within her Universe, but that logic falls apart when looking at the ENTIRE nation, and not just the confines of her group of friends at Facebook and their like minded friends outside of that social network.

9. This manipulation is trying to lend validity that they have a Wide Representation, so they aren’t pigeonholed as bigots- because they represent only a ‘sliver’ of the nation’s demographics. This section is trying to dismiss those who believe in Traditional Values by demeaning them with the inference that they are Uncomfortable with the Changing Demographics.

10. Narcs must demonize all those who disrupt the delusions or any forward progress towards our goals. Narcs dismiss anyone’s feelings that disrupt their delusions as unimportant or emotionally/mentally unstable.)

11.Narcs seem humble when they say things like this, but when you read between the lines you get: I don’t have ANY of the answers, but I really like those answers over there that see to my needs.

12. Again, Narcs like stating the obvious because it garners them empathy and draws folks into their universe. Of course the fighting in Congress is impeding forward movement towards help for the people... her logic on this fails, because our Congress has FOUGHT BITTERLY OVER ISSUES FROM ITS VERY INCEPTION. The Fighting- THAT is the process of our Government. The fact they are angry over this fighting, is their Narcissistic Tell: Congress is fighting over something they want, and they must do everything to remove the Disruptions to what they want.
The Fiscal Conservative notion- given that EVERYTHING else she has said is pretty much socialism in disguise- again, just a tease to disguise their true motives and beliefs and to create the delusion that they are truly diverse.

13. Ms. Parks is the Rodney King of her people crying "Can’t we just get along!?" This is how she demonizes Obstructionism as the evil that is preventing all the good.

14. As all good narcs, Ms. Parks lacks that foresight and logic that would help her see, that Conservatives will see right through her socialist agenda. No, government is not supposed to take care of your personal problems, like changing your diaper.
Then she demeans and dismisses the Tea Party movement as one that believes government should not have ‘any’ role in helping the people, and if you are stupid enough to believe that, then yeah you deserve to be a member of the Tea Party.

15. Ah, the familiar exaggerations and delusions of grandeur that ‘many’ folks, the majority of folks want government to take care of their interests... and she throws in those words our nation was built on- to lend validation to her weak belief: represent us.

16. Narcs never hesitate to use a tactic that works- even if that tactic was created or used by their enemies. This is one way they appear to be wishy washy... first she infers and demonizes the Tea Party and their beliefs, but then uses one of their tactics by saying the Government Works For US! But like a good narc, she then she infers that the Government doesn’t work for the Corporations, nor a Sliver of Demographics... the government works for THEM and they are the MAJORITY.
Again, the narc’s logic is always their undoing. Our government system was established to Protect the Minority while bending to the will of the Majority. Her delusions of grandeur make her believe that the government should listen to them, and only them, because in her eyes, they are the majority.

17. Her final words of the speech, tell us everything we need to know:
We need to start acting like thethe (sic) Board of Directors, like, we need them to get to work! youknow Instead of fighting! And we need people to get out of the way. So this is an open invitation for people to participate believing that the government should function for our interests.
All wrapped up in a air tight narcissistic bow: delusions of grandeur, selfish interests, manipulation, someone should take care of their needs for them, and those who would disrupt all the needs and wants and delusions must be demolished- they are non-human anyway and don’t count.

Narc Accomodator Recovery & Set backs

Ok, my sibling has agreed to let me speak alone. I’ve received criticism for ‘seeing’ NPD every where. Fair enough; seek and ye shall find. If all you look for is XYZ, then that is all you will find.

I began speaking about NPD,- very hesitantly- in some forums, because I really do enjoy that board and didn’t want to step on toes. However, I finally realized that some self defense/coping skills had kicked in, as well- that if someone is mad at you for what you said, you don’t deserve to speak any more.

Narc Accomodators and Survivors learn that we do NOT have the same rights as everyone else; we are, at best, second class citizens. We spend our lives in conflict of angrily fighting ‘injustice and double standard’ that we are worthy and have rights, but then acquiescing to that unworthiness within the confines of our personal relationships with narcs.

The Road of Recovery for a Narcissist Accomodator/Survivor is an ongoing challenge. This is no different than any other Recovery; we have set backs and the return of old behaviors or old conditioned responses. All we can do is to study what happened to understand the responses and find better ways of ‘coping and responding’ in the future.

How do I know the Coffee Party Movement is the Carefully Created Universe of Narcs? Because of my conditioned, instinctive response to their Founder’s speech.

I was furious. That self centered, ignorant, spoiled brat! Doesn’t she see that those folks she wants to ‘get out of the way’ are AMERICANS?! Is she trying to say that HER PEOPLE are MORE EQUAL than those Americans she wants out of the way?! Doesn’t she understand that what She and Her people want, could hurt millions of folks, and that is what the Obstructionists are fighting?! Congress stop fighting and get to work!? Is she stupid?! Has she not read any American history?! Congress Fighting Over the Issues is the backbone of how they work; and they’ve done that from the first meeting in 1776!

The next morning, it was staring me in the face: If you are tempted to call an adult infantile or a spoiled brat.... you’ve been narced. My instinctive-conditioned response was my internal conflict of being devalued by a narc, and her manipulations and machinations were so subtle and clever,.... that even I didn’t see the devious nature... at first.

If you do fall victim to a narc, don't feel stupid. They are very, very, very, good at their manipulations and machinations. Even survivors get 'decieved' by some of them.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Deflecting Accountablity over Underwear Bomber

Well, we tried to take time off for the holidays, but we should have known better. Narcs rarely take time off from their manipulations.

Eight years ago, a terrorist bomber’s attempt to blow up a transatlantic airliner was thwarted by a group of passengers, an incident that revealed some gaping holes in airline security just a few months after the attacks of Sept. 11. But it was six days before President George W. Bush, then on vacation, made any public remarks about the so-called shoe bomber, Richard Reid, and there were virtually no complaints from the press or any opposition Democrats that his response was sluggish or inadequate.

That stands in sharp contrast to the withering criticism President Barack Obama has received from Republicans and some in the press for his reaction to Friday’s incident on a Northwest Airlines flight heading for Detroit. Democrats have seized on the disparity and are making it a centerpiece of their efforts to counter GOP attacks on the White House.

“This hypocrisy demonstrates Republicans are playing politics with issues of national security and terrorism,” DNC spokesman Hari Sevugan said. “That they would use this incident as an opportunity to fan partisan flames … tells you all you need to know about how far the Republican Party has fallen and how out of step with the American people they have become.”

Well, of course, Obama is going to catch more heat, we've had 8 years to learn how to spot these things, and it was Missed Under HIS WATCH.

Trying to compare what President Bush did with a similar incident is deflecting the focus off ONarcy.

The Democrats are throwing mud at anyone who dares hold the ONarc accountable- SOP Narc D List: dismiss, disparage, destroy, the opponent as a means of deflecting the focus off the real issue 'Homeland Security Failing on their Watch' and dodging accountablity for their mistakes.

A Narc's last act of definace is to question the 'sanity' or validity of his opponent.

In truth, we believe it is the Democrats who are refusing to see how 'out of touch' they are with America.

This is from a group of once loyal Democratic supporters (Hillary fans) , and who now sound like Conservatives. Seriously, you will read things there, that Conservatives were saying over 18 months ago about Obama.

Warning! they have some content that is definitely Mature Audience; don't let the children read through this unsupervised.
Regardless, we appreciate and respect these folks for bucking their party and standing up for what they believe is right. Their piece on protecting Trig Palin in public from folks throwing objects at his mother Sarah, that would make any Conservative wipe a tear from their eye.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Year End Thoughts

We’ve been busy with real live over the last few weeks, so we are dumping a few things onto this blog that are not as current as they should be.

These are things we’ve said to folks, when trying to cope with the scary things coming out of DC.

We can say that Obama has succeeded in One of his claims in his campaign: He brought about Change, just not in the way he expected.

He awoke a sleeping giant, a Silent Majority who had been complacent in their political actions, because they never had to be in their lives. Obama forced us to stand up, speak out, and not be so tolerant that OUR rights are trampled under the boot of Progressive Facisim.

We can't say this often, nor loud enough: Conservatives have way more power over this administration than what they believe. It is Pyschological Power over the President, given his NPD. All we have to do is speak out; question; find the flaws; speak out; speak out; speak out.

The one thing Narcs absolutely, positively cannot tolerate is the slightest hint of Doubt to Disrupt their Delusions. We need to be tenacious, persistent and respectful in voicing our objections to his plans, and he will rely on his proven methods even more, which will reveal all his faults and lack of experience much better than we can from here in the rank and file.

Write to your Congress members. Write to the White House. Speak Out. Ignore the old rule that Politics are not discussed in Polite Conversations. Speak Out. Obama cannot tolerate anything that will disrupt his delusions, and that will cause him to truly Melt Down and explode. And all we did, was follow our Constitutional Rights of Free Speech and Holding our Congress to the Constitutional themes of Government By the People and For the People.

We don't have to persuade the dye in the wool, far left wing radicals; we only have to sway those 10-15% of voters who voted for Obama, because they didn't like the Republican candidates. We need to retake the Congress to start with, then we can proceed to regain our nation.

Start of School Speech Scandal

Words just can’t quite impart how bad that stunt truly was, and had this been done by a Conservative, there would have been impeachment hearings before the first day of school.

The whole mess was, yet, another Narc Ploy to be the center of attention.

Get everyone all riled up, and say nothing while the tempers flare hotter and hotter.
Send out his little puppets to smear the opponents, thus adding fuel to the fire.
Get everyone, even those without children, so angry that they will want to watch the speech to make certain he isn't pulling anything.

(How to make everyone watch you without you pitching a fit, or demanding they watch).
Then... on the eve of the event... post the (second, third or weekend draft) to make the opponents look stupid for ever doubting him.
So What were all the D List maneuvers or Narcissistic behaviors surrounding that School Speech?

The Speech and everything he did with it, was manipulative; a narc’s most successful tool.
He announces that he is going to present a speech to every school child in America. It is an unwritten rule that when the President of the United States says, ‘Jump!’ You Jump! This is Obama’s need to be the center of Attention; it reinforced his Narcissistic sense of Entitlement; it offered some distraction from the debacle of his healthcare bill going up in flames.

This was a narc’s need to further the Delusions of themselves to an audience who would be highly susceptible to the message. Narcs have a unique ability to find those captive audiences who won’t be able to respond negatively or will automatically be respectful. Speaking to children in an educational setting would place an undue burden on them to ‘comply’ or be punished academically and socially.

Obama did NOT release a transcript of the speech. He hid the content of his speech, even after the uproar against it. This action follows the psycho-pathology of Deception, since his 'Administration was going to be one of Transparency.' Refusing to post the speech points to a greater probability of ulterior motives in the maneuver; otherwise, he would have followed through with that Transparency Promise.He sent curriculum to the schools to be used in association with that speech; which on the surface sounds like a highly intuitive person to help the teachers utilize the opportunity for further learning.

However, all recommended research Materials were exclusively about Barack Obama, which is another attempt to further the delusions about himself; to elevate his importance in the world, and feed those fantasies of Power, Brilliance and his personal Success.

The curriculum he provided DID NOT discuss the Office of the President, nor any other president, nor what the Constitution says about the role of the President; in other words- there was all this material focusing on Obama, but no Civics Lessons to justify the President providing teachers with a study plan for his own speech. This is that need to continue the delusions of his Specialness and restricts any comparisons and critical thinking that could diminish the delusions about him.

The Curriculum questions and suggested reading gave Clues to the content of the Speech, and the Clues pointed in a completely different direction than the reported topic. Bait and switch, distract, detour... tell folks one thing to get them in the room, and then surprise them with the true nature of the event.

The Secrecy, the questions placing an undue burden of compliance on children, all research material focusing on the man and a lack of civic’s lessons...This method of withholding the information that folks wanted, and providing only Clues as to what ‘else’ he would be saying to the children....This is classic passive-aggressive manipulation and it’s Deceptive.

Then to dodge responsibility in the mess, and to try to ‘get everyone to like him, again,’ he changed the curriculum and the government website to reflect his ‘new and improved’ version of the facts. He also sent out half a dozen folks to slander, defame and attack the opposition. At no time, did the officials offer a copy of the speech; no where did they offer Facts; just derogatory opinions about the opposition.... which is more manipulation and just adds more weight to the deception: why didn't he release the transcript of the speech, as soon as the fit hit the shan?

Everything about the way he handled this disaster...all the secrecy, the passive-aggressive manipulation with the Clues, and the ‘changing of the official site’ to hide his malfiecience... all of it is deceptive.

The problem could have been easily avoided: Be Transparent. Say what you are going to do, then do what you said. Release the Speech beforehand.

Speeches, Work Ethic, and The Nobel Prize

We were amazed at how fast it took folks to realize that this president was good at speeches, but won’t ‘do’ anything to make them a reality.

Obama’s G20 Speech where he told the world that they should not view the USA as a Problem Solver and that the world should work with us to solve the issues...

This is a Narc trying to guilt and shame others into doing what the Narc doesn’t want to do: get his hands dirty with actual work. Narcs are masters at speechifying and are very charismatic in luring folks into their own delusions/visions. They simply lack everything else necessary for making those glorious dreams into a reality. That is what they rely on the folks around them to accomplish, so that they can take the credit.

"The world should work with him to create a Nuclear Free Planet." More of those Grandiose Ideals that narcs instinctively gravitate towards, but have NO CLUE on how to actually implement the ideals. In the eyes of a Narc, that is what ‘grunts’ are for- like the Secretary of State, his Cabinet and his staff. Case in point, Hillary’s ‘tough talk’ to the Pakistani government.
Tough talk, what hypocrisy. Conservatives have been saying that for decades, but if GWB had said anything like that, we would still be hearing the backlash- from the rest of the world, the liberals and mainstream media. Tough talk is okay when it comes from a administration who is too afraid to back it up? Tough talk is imperialistic aggression when it comes from an administration who will actually ‘do’ something about a problem. Oh, yes, there is that Narc Double Standard in play.

One of the best jokes we’ve seen on Obama winning the Nobel is a button:
Caller #7 wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

On one hand, it is infuriating, because this will feed his grandiose delusions about himself. This is an Enablement far worse than actually giving a junkee a dose of their favorite drug. For a junkee, the cold reality of life will set in as soon as the drug wears off; not so, for a narc.

On the other hand, this will feed his grandiose delusions about himself, and empower him to move even faster and with more aggression than he did the first 6 months of his administration. This will embolden him to pull stunts that are more illogical and easier to dismiss... such as...

Banning and Bashing Fox News