7. No Empathy or Compassion

7. Lack empathy- Translation: They are unwilling to recognize or sympathize with other people's feelings and needs.

They "tune out" when other people want to talk about their own problems, or interrupt to change the subject and draw attention back to themselves, or just simply walk away and ignore the other person.

Narcs don’t care about anybody but themselves. They use carefully constructed series of actions to convince others that Taking Care of the Narc is in everybody’s best interest. They will lavish such beautiful praise on a few who worship them, in order to secure the hard work of many others, who hope to receive some of that lavish praise for their hard work. Instead of getting lavish praise, the hard workers will get an occasional ‘thank you,’ and lots of criticisms.

They will be relentless at getting what they want from their family members; even if it means great sacrifice and struggling for the Normal; the Narc will not stop until they get what they want. Then they will show no gratitude, nor reciprocate the sacrifice to repay that debt; IF they even try to repay the debt.

We know the story of two siblings where the Normal built a business and was living comfortably. The Narc was broke, out of work, in a ‘relationship’ that she couldn’t control- but wouldn’t let go of,... so the Normal felt compassion and invited the sibling to sleep on the couch until the Narc was back on her feet and even found a job for the Narc in his small business.

The Narc talked incessantly on the phone trying to ‘repair’ the relationship she ran away from, running up phone bills of hundreds of dollars for several months, that the Normal had to pay because the account was in their name. The Narc refused to move out after she moved up in the business and was working full time. The Narc refused to let the Normal get an apartment alone, because the Narc couldn’t afford an apartment on her own. So the Normal- feeling a sense of responsibility towards their sibling-compromised and they moved into a larger apartment. The Normal sibling rationalized that this would provide some privacy and a means of splitting the living expenses evenly.

The Narc still did not contribute towards the rent, none of the utilities, none of the food; the narc paid for the gas to transport them to and from the business. Instead, the Narc bought herself a new car... while the Normal continued to drive a worn out car with numerous repair bills, was not able to pay his own bills, for having to support a mooching sibling, and went deep into credit card debt.

The Normal gave the business to the sister, just to be able to get away from the Narc and the continuing escalation of debt from trying to support the Narc. The Narc did not offer to ‘buy’ the business; she did send a little bit of money to the Normal sibling to appear to be gracious by helping out, but quickly stopped and refused to ‘support that mooching brother of mine’ for more than a couple of months. The Normal sibling eventually declared bankruptcy, because that was easier than trying to get the Narc to repay any of those debts. Family peace was more important than the money from the business.

Back to NPD Behaviors Index