Over the last few weeks, we’ve been carefully watching the ObamaCare Cataclysm as it has been pummeled by Conservatives and defended, weakly, by the White House and the Speaker of the House.
On August 23, 2009 Senator Joe Lieberman Abandoned Support for the Obama Health Care Bill.
MSNBC
Chicago Tribune
New York Times
The Very Next Day, the White House announced that the President had created his own little Interrogation Unit that would report straight to him.
Fox News
Yahoo
I know this will go viral in the Conservative Bloggersphere, and bring out even more comparisons of Obama to Hitler, since we have no guarantees that Obama won’t use this Unit against American Citizens... just like Hitler used his SS Troops against the German people. Obama is Defalcating more power under his direction.
Later that same day, Obama reignited more animosity and Drama by appointing a veteran federal prosecutor (along with his newly created Interrogation Unit) to begin a criminal probe of the CIA and any other entity potentially involved with the alleged abuse of Gitmo Detainees, during the Bush Administration.
Yahoo
Miami Herald
CNN
stltoday.com - CIA Probe Could Distract from Obama's Top Priorities, including HealthCare. (So let's just stand up and say it out loud!)
Well, it took us reading articles all day on the CIA and the New SS Interogation Unit for us to see what this REALLY is.
We knew if given enough time, the Narc in him would burst out with such HUGE mistakes that he will not only loose the Congress in a few months, he will be lucky that they don't Impeach him for treasonous acts against the Constitution and America.
What we are seeing here is Obama’s Narcissism Racing around desperately trying to Do anything and everything possible- to Prevent the Truth from Disrupting the Delusions about him.
He has pulled almost ALL the D LIST within the timespan of only 2 DAYS!
He is Deflecting Blame from his disastrous health care bill by pointing out someone else's mistakes, AND Disrupting the negative coverage with a Bait and Switch onto someone else's sins. A very common Narc Tactic to 'hypnotize' their victims.
He is Dodging the Negative Press on the Health Care, by changing directions in midstream and forcing everyone around him to run around with their heads cut off trying to make this new direction work. Just watch his subordinates in the next few days, as they 'dodge, deflect, & detour' around the questions that will deluge them.
He is Distracting the Public and the MSM with Decoys, and causing Discord and Drama by dragging up issues he 'swore' he would leave behind. All of this will prevent folks from continuing to focus on the HealthCare bill and hold him responsible for the debacle.
He is Detouring the current issue by forcing the Press to focus on something that will make him look good, while....
Deflating, Diminishing, Destroying, Demolishing the former Administration and the CIA and anyone else he can find.
All that is left is for him to Deny that he ever tried to ram the Health Care Bill down our throats, oh and of course, to deny that he won't use this Personal Interrogation Unit against the American People.
If there were ANY doubts that our current President has NPD, this little Dramatic Routine has successfully obliterated those doubts.
Showing posts with label d list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label d list. Show all posts
Monday, August 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The "D" List
As educated, intelligent people, we wanted to improve the relationships in our lives- both professional and personal.
As we researched to learn how to better respond in certain situations, we discovered NPD- Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
In discussing all the various defense mechanisms Narcissists employ, we discovered a helpful alliteration to desribe various Defense Mechanisms and behaviors Narcissists use to manipulate and control those around them.
This is what we call The "D" List.
(Click on each word for a complete description and examples of the behavior.
Delusions, Delusional, Deserving ,Deludes Others
Delightful
Disrupt
Dodge
Deflect
Detour
Decoy, Distract, Drama, Discord
Devious, Deceive, Deceptive, Disguises & Double Standards
Defense, Defend, Defensive Situation
Deflate & Diminish, Destroy
Demolish & Deny
Defalcate
Detach, Disengage
Democrat
As we researched to learn how to better respond in certain situations, we discovered NPD- Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
In discussing all the various defense mechanisms Narcissists employ, we discovered a helpful alliteration to desribe various Defense Mechanisms and behaviors Narcissists use to manipulate and control those around them.
This is what we call The "D" List.
(Click on each word for a complete description and examples of the behavior.
Delusions, Delusional, Deserving ,Deludes Others
Delightful
Disrupt
Dodge
Deflect
Detour
Decoy, Distract, Drama, Discord
Devious, Deceive, Deceptive, Disguises & Double Standards
Defense, Defend, Defensive Situation
Deflate & Diminish, Destroy
Demolish & Deny
Defalcate
Detach, Disengage
Democrat
Delusions, Delusional, Delude Others,
Narcs are Delusional about their status, abilities, attributes, and achievements. They believe they are Special and are above everyone around them.
They will hand off the Day to Day Drudgery to anyone else, because they are too important to do simple chores.
The believe their Achievements are much more spectacular than they really are, and they will get testy if they aren’t ‘recognized and praised’ for doing such a fabulous job of taking out the trash- even if that is two days late.
They are So Deserving of all things wonderful.
Narcs are masters at convincing folks that their own version of reality is more attractive, or that their Delusions are Reality.
They Delude others with such skillfully crafted ‘stories’ or plans, that the words coming from their mouths are like a maze of mirrors at a carnival: all reflections that distort reality. When that Mirror Breaks- so does the narcissist.
Back to The D List Index
They will hand off the Day to Day Drudgery to anyone else, because they are too important to do simple chores.
The believe their Achievements are much more spectacular than they really are, and they will get testy if they aren’t ‘recognized and praised’ for doing such a fabulous job of taking out the trash- even if that is two days late.
They are So Deserving of all things wonderful.
Narcs are masters at convincing folks that their own version of reality is more attractive, or that their Delusions are Reality.
They Delude others with such skillfully crafted ‘stories’ or plans, that the words coming from their mouths are like a maze of mirrors at a carnival: all reflections that distort reality. When that Mirror Breaks- so does the narcissist.
Back to The D List Index
Delightful, Hypnotize, Manipulate
Narcs are Delightful, as a means of Deluding others to accept their own Delusions of Grandeur.
Narcs can be Charming, Charismatic, Visionary, Eloquent, Enigmatic... everything Normals would find emotionally attractive.
Narcs are masters at Drawing others into their own Delusions using these attractive personality traits as the bait. However, the attractive attributes are a facade, like a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.
Narcs are masters of techniques that Dr. Vaknin and Dr. Bernstien label Hypnotizing. This is not the ‘mysterious methods’ that have people barking like dogs or acting like monkeys.
The Hypnotizing that Narcs use are subtle Manipulations that illicit specific emotional responses in Normals. Convoluted to explain, frightening to see how successful they are.
These manipulations follow the same principles of ‘Hypnosis,’ since they convince folks to do things they normally wouldn’t, as well as, altering reality in such a way that folks know it is too good to be true, but still believe the Delusion.
Back to The D List Index
Narcs can be Charming, Charismatic, Visionary, Eloquent, Enigmatic... everything Normals would find emotionally attractive.
Narcs are masters at Drawing others into their own Delusions using these attractive personality traits as the bait. However, the attractive attributes are a facade, like a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing.
Narcs are masters of techniques that Dr. Vaknin and Dr. Bernstien label Hypnotizing. This is not the ‘mysterious methods’ that have people barking like dogs or acting like monkeys.
The Hypnotizing that Narcs use are subtle Manipulations that illicit specific emotional responses in Normals. Convoluted to explain, frightening to see how successful they are.
These manipulations follow the same principles of ‘Hypnosis,’ since they convince folks to do things they normally wouldn’t, as well as, altering reality in such a way that folks know it is too good to be true, but still believe the Delusion.
Back to The D List Index
Disrupt
Narcs must be the center of attention most of the time. They will Disrupt all interactions to bring the focus onto themselves.
They Disrupt, or interrupt conversations with important (irrelevant) news; their highly unique point of view (unoriginal drivel); or just flat change the topic.
They will Disrupt any successful work in progress that will make someone else look good, but not necessarily themselves.
These Disruptions will seem innocent, but they are designed to sabotage the current project manager, and use this failure to make the Narc look good. (See Deflate).
They will Disrupt a process by forcing themselves into the project- so they can share in the glory.
As supervisors, they will change the direction of the work to reduce any possible notion that the Employees deserve praise, instead of the Narc.
All of these Disruptions will leave Normals confused or scrambling, and will make the Narc look so much more cool, calm - like they are the only one who has any intelligence.
The catch is: the Narc is responsible for the chaos, and is calm about it, because they don’t care if the project at hand is completed.
Even if the incomplete project is their responsibility, the scrambling of the employees will provide them with sufficient scapegoats to Dodge and Deflect.
Back to The D List Index
They Disrupt, or interrupt conversations with important (irrelevant) news; their highly unique point of view (unoriginal drivel); or just flat change the topic.
They will Disrupt any successful work in progress that will make someone else look good, but not necessarily themselves.
These Disruptions will seem innocent, but they are designed to sabotage the current project manager, and use this failure to make the Narc look good. (See Deflate).
They will Disrupt a process by forcing themselves into the project- so they can share in the glory.
As supervisors, they will change the direction of the work to reduce any possible notion that the Employees deserve praise, instead of the Narc.
All of these Disruptions will leave Normals confused or scrambling, and will make the Narc look so much more cool, calm - like they are the only one who has any intelligence.
The catch is: the Narc is responsible for the chaos, and is calm about it, because they don’t care if the project at hand is completed.
Even if the incomplete project is their responsibility, the scrambling of the employees will provide them with sufficient scapegoats to Dodge and Deflect.
Back to The D List Index
Dodge
Narcs Dodge anything that will Disrupt their Delusions, but especially Accountability, Responsibility, and even the Truth.
They are never at fault for any of their mistakes; they never apologize- because that would mean accepting Responsibility for a mistake.
Narcs Don’t make mistakes. Instead, everyone around them fails to live up to potential; thus creating flaws, shortages, or errors in the Narc’s work.
If pushed, a Narc may acknowledge mistake, but someone else caused them to make the mistake.
Back to The D List Index
They are never at fault for any of their mistakes; they never apologize- because that would mean accepting Responsibility for a mistake.
Narcs Don’t make mistakes. Instead, everyone around them fails to live up to potential; thus creating flaws, shortages, or errors in the Narc’s work.
If pushed, a Narc may acknowledge mistake, but someone else caused them to make the mistake.
Back to The D List Index
Deflect
Another way to prevent anything from Disrupting the Delusion is to Deflect Blame.
Narcs are gifted in finding ways to Deflect Blame onto: the person confronting them, a pre-ordained scapegoat or whipping boy, the universe, fate, Destiny.
If a boss confronts an employee: "You didn’t get those spread sheets done for me!"
The Narc Replies, "You never gave me the numbers."
"I sent them in email, or left them on your desk, or I had someone else deliver them."
"Well I never got them. If they were that important, you should have handed them to me personally."
Notice how this elevates the Narc’s own status by Diminishing the Boss to that of a Messenger. And, the Boss cannot refute the assessment, because it maintains a certain logic. Narcs are masters of finding these little bits of logic and exploiting them to control the people around them.
Free Lance or Contract Instructor (laborer): "I never received my pay check for the last 3 classes I taught here."
Narc Program Director: "Well, you didn’t stop by my office to sign the ‘class enrollment sheets’ or you didn’t give the signed enrollment sheets to me."
Instructor: " How can I do that? You are never in your office!"
Narc: "That is not the attitude I accept from all of my other Instructors! I’m a Director and I have duties that don’t let me hide in my office. It is not my responsibility to make certain you do all that is necessary for me to get a paycheck to you."
Translation: I lost the paperwork, or not paying you let me hide my accounting error that would have overdrawn our bank account, or, who are you and why are you here?
Another type of Deflection: a Narc will accuse Normals of doing something, that the Narc has done themself. It is a means of Deflecting their own guilt over an action onto the Normal, so the Narc doesn’t have to deal with their own guilt.
In one marriage we are familiar with, the Narc wife will accuse the Normal husband of over spending, when the Narc spends ten times as much as the Normal.
In another relationship, the Narc Parent will accuse the Normal Teen of staying out too late, when the parent spends every night at a bar, coming home well past midnight. No, the Narc is not home to see when the Teen gets home, but they deflect their own guilt onto the Teen.
Back to The D List Index
Narcs are gifted in finding ways to Deflect Blame onto: the person confronting them, a pre-ordained scapegoat or whipping boy, the universe, fate, Destiny.
If a boss confronts an employee: "You didn’t get those spread sheets done for me!"
The Narc Replies, "You never gave me the numbers."
"I sent them in email, or left them on your desk, or I had someone else deliver them."
"Well I never got them. If they were that important, you should have handed them to me personally."
Notice how this elevates the Narc’s own status by Diminishing the Boss to that of a Messenger. And, the Boss cannot refute the assessment, because it maintains a certain logic. Narcs are masters of finding these little bits of logic and exploiting them to control the people around them.
Free Lance or Contract Instructor (laborer): "I never received my pay check for the last 3 classes I taught here."
Narc Program Director: "Well, you didn’t stop by my office to sign the ‘class enrollment sheets’ or you didn’t give the signed enrollment sheets to me."
Instructor: " How can I do that? You are never in your office!"
Narc: "That is not the attitude I accept from all of my other Instructors! I’m a Director and I have duties that don’t let me hide in my office. It is not my responsibility to make certain you do all that is necessary for me to get a paycheck to you."
Translation: I lost the paperwork, or not paying you let me hide my accounting error that would have overdrawn our bank account, or, who are you and why are you here?
Another type of Deflection: a Narc will accuse Normals of doing something, that the Narc has done themself. It is a means of Deflecting their own guilt over an action onto the Normal, so the Narc doesn’t have to deal with their own guilt.
In one marriage we are familiar with, the Narc wife will accuse the Normal husband of over spending, when the Narc spends ten times as much as the Normal.
In another relationship, the Narc Parent will accuse the Normal Teen of staying out too late, when the parent spends every night at a bar, coming home well past midnight. No, the Narc is not home to see when the Teen gets home, but they deflect their own guilt onto the Teen.
Back to The D List Index
Detour
Narcs Detour from anything that could Disrupt someone else’s Delusions of them and how magnificent they are.
If a crisis or problem arises- that would normally be the Narc’s responsibility- they will handle a huge back log of Easy Issues first, to accomplish a large amount of work that prevented them from handling the crisis. This prevented them from making mistakes, and instead, some one else had to take care of the crisis.
They also Detour by generating something fun to focus on, such as a parent not attending a school play and taking the child out for Ice Cream; or a Boss handing out inexpensive gifts or hosting a party, instead of the well deserved bonuses- that the boss lost from his own accounting error.
Back to The D List Index
If a crisis or problem arises- that would normally be the Narc’s responsibility- they will handle a huge back log of Easy Issues first, to accomplish a large amount of work that prevented them from handling the crisis. This prevented them from making mistakes, and instead, some one else had to take care of the crisis.
They also Detour by generating something fun to focus on, such as a parent not attending a school play and taking the child out for Ice Cream; or a Boss handing out inexpensive gifts or hosting a party, instead of the well deserved bonuses- that the boss lost from his own accounting error.
Back to The D List Index
Decoys, Distract, Discord
Narcs use Decoys to Draw attention away from something that: might Disrupt the Delusion; they also use Decoys to Deflect blame onto someone else.
Con Artists or Magicians call this: Bait and Switch. The following is an example of what a supervisor would do to ‘create’ a panicked situation, as a Decoy to Distract others from something they need time to repair.
Narc: I need everyone to gather the 2nd quarter stats for our staff meeting.
Normals: Why? Those aren’t due for 2 weeks!
Narc: The Regional Director says he wants them, ASAP, so how long do you think you need to get these done...2- 3 days?
Normals: shaking their heads... Yes we can have them in 3 days.
Narc: Great! I’ll move the staff meeting to 3 days from now.
Translation: The Regional Director is going to be at the Staff Meeting, that the Narc pushed back three days to get HIS work completed, and save his own job.
He creates a Decoy to keep everyone so busy, that they can’t see him scrambling. The Narc also found a way to make himself look better in the eyes of his superior, by presenting figures 2 weeks before they are due.
In a personal situation, a supervisor was a master at not doing her own work, and then would make her employees scramble to get it done, so she wouldn’t look bad. This allowed her to use her employees as Decoys to Deflect blame onto, should her supervisors get angry with the work not getting done.
Also, to Distract the employees from their grumblings about doing her work- instead of/in addition to their own- this Narc bought expensive new furnishings- for the ‘employees’ to enjoy- as a Decoy to Deflect any conversations she found unpleasant.
Another skillful Narc would create Drama (conflict) within a family to get everyone mad at each other. The Narc would spread lies of Cousin A said this horrible thing about Cousin B; while Sister C was infuriated with Brother D... The ensuing Discord served to Deflect love and companionship onto the Narc, because she Distracted the rest the family with Decoys of various Conflicts.
Back to The D List Index
Con Artists or Magicians call this: Bait and Switch. The following is an example of what a supervisor would do to ‘create’ a panicked situation, as a Decoy to Distract others from something they need time to repair.
Narc: I need everyone to gather the 2nd quarter stats for our staff meeting.
Normals: Why? Those aren’t due for 2 weeks!
Narc: The Regional Director says he wants them, ASAP, so how long do you think you need to get these done...2- 3 days?
Normals: shaking their heads... Yes we can have them in 3 days.
Narc: Great! I’ll move the staff meeting to 3 days from now.
Translation: The Regional Director is going to be at the Staff Meeting, that the Narc pushed back three days to get HIS work completed, and save his own job.
He creates a Decoy to keep everyone so busy, that they can’t see him scrambling. The Narc also found a way to make himself look better in the eyes of his superior, by presenting figures 2 weeks before they are due.
In a personal situation, a supervisor was a master at not doing her own work, and then would make her employees scramble to get it done, so she wouldn’t look bad. This allowed her to use her employees as Decoys to Deflect blame onto, should her supervisors get angry with the work not getting done.
Also, to Distract the employees from their grumblings about doing her work- instead of/in addition to their own- this Narc bought expensive new furnishings- for the ‘employees’ to enjoy- as a Decoy to Deflect any conversations she found unpleasant.
Another skillful Narc would create Drama (conflict) within a family to get everyone mad at each other. The Narc would spread lies of Cousin A said this horrible thing about Cousin B; while Sister C was infuriated with Brother D... The ensuing Discord served to Deflect love and companionship onto the Narc, because she Distracted the rest the family with Decoys of various Conflicts.
Back to The D List Index
Devious, Deceptive, Decieve, Double Standard
For Normals, it appears that all of a Narc’s actions are Devious, Deceptive or they are purposefully trying to Deceive.
They will Disguise actions that most Normals would take pride in, just so they won't have to suffer any consequences. Such as Obama secretly discussing ways of searching and seizing laptops, PDAs and MP3 players under the disguise of Copyright Protections.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yPmtQDWZ1s
Although their actions are Devious and Deceptive, this isn’t necessarily a conscious effort; most of the time their Deceptions are Defense Mechanisms to ‘protect’ themselves or to secure something for their survival. They instinctively take the Devious path- because it is always successful, and then they Delude themselves that this is a morally proper path.
We’ve heard about a conversation with a Normal who had learned how to circumvent a Narc’s Deceptive ways of manipulating.
Narc: Oh, I just got word that my cousin died...then spent 10 minutes regaling their history of this cousin and how special their time together had been.
Normal: I’m so sorry for your loss. When was the last time you saw this cousin?
Narc: hmmm... (pausing to think)... well, I went to their wedding, and I remember having to get a baby sitter for my oldest child...
Normal: Oh, so it’s been 40 years since you last saw them.
Narc: Yes, time flies and I so badly want to go to the funeral, but it is a 2 hour drive, and I’m just not certain I could make the drive and not cry all the way there.
This is where this Narc is hoping for the Normal to step forward with Empathy and offer to drive them to the Funeral.
Normal: Well, it has been so long since you last saw them, and since it would put your safety at risk, I believe the family will understand if you don’t make it.
Narc: (obviously frustrated that the trap didn’t work). I need to pay my respects. I owe it to their family.
The Normal tried to offer several options, such sending flowers (they die too quick) or a Fruit basket (I don’t know what they would like), or a donation to a charity or church (that’s is too impersonal); or sending a check to offset any funeral costs (The post office could steal the money.)...
Finally, the Narc is angry and bold face asks the Normal: WILL YOU TAKE ME TO THE FUNERAL.
The Normal used logic to thwart the Narc: No, I cannot take you. My car is not reliable enough to make the drive.
Narc: We can take my car.
Normal: Do you realize the time that will be involved with this: a two hour drive-both to and from the funeral, is 4 hours of just driving. Then we will spend another hour in the service then 30 minutes getting inline to go to the cemetery. That comes to 51/2 hours. Now add another Hour driving to and from the Cemetery; plus another 30 minutes for the prayers at the cemetery and that brings us to 7 hours. Now add another hour or two for meals and it will be a 9 hour ordeal that I can’t afford the time to do.
The Narc yells and tries guilt to manipulate, and eventually hung up.
Narcs are such masters at Deception that they even Deceive themselves. They begin to believe their lies; they believe their Delusions; and they even convince themselves that all of their actions are morally correct.
With Beliefs built on Deception, Narcs cannot tolerate ANYTHING that could Disrupt their Delusions; consequentially, the slightest of contradictions from a Normal is something a Narc must treat as a mortal sin. This manifests itself as an obvious Double Standard.
The Narc and a Normal can commit the same act, but the Narc will maintain that the Normal should be punished as if they had committed a capitol crime, while maintaining that their own actions are perfectly acceptable.
This Double Standard shows up in message boards with growing frequency.
Narc: I just can’t stand the (insert any political-religious-cultural group or legal issue stance)! They are all greedy, selfish, hate filled (insert vulgar epitaph), and they all deserve to suffer horrible painful deaths!
Normal: Goodness, that was rather harsh. Are you sure you want to be saying such things on a public message board? Some folks would see that as hate speech.
Narc: the ensuing conversation is so violent and filled with hate and vulgar language that we can’t repeat it in a public blog like this one.
A Normal reaction to a post filled with hate, is to feel Angry and Defensive, which is how a Narc hypnotizes a Normal. The Normal cannot understand how their statement was so horrific- to trigger such a vicious onslaught....
The Normal’s Defense of themselves- with strong words- then allows the Narc’s fellow Narcs to rally around the ‘injustice’ against their friend, and then ALL of them begin violent, hate-filled speech directed at the lone Normal.
Disturbingly, we’ve begun to see where the situations are being staged, and Normals are being duped into being the Instigator, just so a group of Narcs have a victim to verbally rape and brutalize (no, those words are not an exaggeration; they are quite appropriate).
Sometimes, the initial Hate Speech is stated for the sole purpose of offending someone into taking an opposing stance, just so the Group of Narcs has someone to verbally Demolish. This allows them to Deflate someone to Inflate themselves; Deflect their negative emotions onto someone else; etc...
This is further Deconstructed in Defense & Defend.
Back to The D List Index
They will Disguise actions that most Normals would take pride in, just so they won't have to suffer any consequences. Such as Obama secretly discussing ways of searching and seizing laptops, PDAs and MP3 players under the disguise of Copyright Protections.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yPmtQDWZ1s
Although their actions are Devious and Deceptive, this isn’t necessarily a conscious effort; most of the time their Deceptions are Defense Mechanisms to ‘protect’ themselves or to secure something for their survival. They instinctively take the Devious path- because it is always successful, and then they Delude themselves that this is a morally proper path.
We’ve heard about a conversation with a Normal who had learned how to circumvent a Narc’s Deceptive ways of manipulating.
Narc: Oh, I just got word that my cousin died...then spent 10 minutes regaling their history of this cousin and how special their time together had been.
Normal: I’m so sorry for your loss. When was the last time you saw this cousin?
Narc: hmmm... (pausing to think)... well, I went to their wedding, and I remember having to get a baby sitter for my oldest child...
Normal: Oh, so it’s been 40 years since you last saw them.
Narc: Yes, time flies and I so badly want to go to the funeral, but it is a 2 hour drive, and I’m just not certain I could make the drive and not cry all the way there.
This is where this Narc is hoping for the Normal to step forward with Empathy and offer to drive them to the Funeral.
Normal: Well, it has been so long since you last saw them, and since it would put your safety at risk, I believe the family will understand if you don’t make it.
Narc: (obviously frustrated that the trap didn’t work). I need to pay my respects. I owe it to their family.
The Normal tried to offer several options, such sending flowers (they die too quick) or a Fruit basket (I don’t know what they would like), or a donation to a charity or church (that’s is too impersonal); or sending a check to offset any funeral costs (The post office could steal the money.)...
Finally, the Narc is angry and bold face asks the Normal: WILL YOU TAKE ME TO THE FUNERAL.
The Normal used logic to thwart the Narc: No, I cannot take you. My car is not reliable enough to make the drive.
Narc: We can take my car.
Normal: Do you realize the time that will be involved with this: a two hour drive-both to and from the funeral, is 4 hours of just driving. Then we will spend another hour in the service then 30 minutes getting inline to go to the cemetery. That comes to 51/2 hours. Now add another Hour driving to and from the Cemetery; plus another 30 minutes for the prayers at the cemetery and that brings us to 7 hours. Now add another hour or two for meals and it will be a 9 hour ordeal that I can’t afford the time to do.
The Narc yells and tries guilt to manipulate, and eventually hung up.
Narcs are such masters at Deception that they even Deceive themselves. They begin to believe their lies; they believe their Delusions; and they even convince themselves that all of their actions are morally correct.
With Beliefs built on Deception, Narcs cannot tolerate ANYTHING that could Disrupt their Delusions; consequentially, the slightest of contradictions from a Normal is something a Narc must treat as a mortal sin. This manifests itself as an obvious Double Standard.
The Narc and a Normal can commit the same act, but the Narc will maintain that the Normal should be punished as if they had committed a capitol crime, while maintaining that their own actions are perfectly acceptable.
This Double Standard shows up in message boards with growing frequency.
Narc: I just can’t stand the (insert any political-religious-cultural group or legal issue stance)! They are all greedy, selfish, hate filled (insert vulgar epitaph), and they all deserve to suffer horrible painful deaths!
Normal: Goodness, that was rather harsh. Are you sure you want to be saying such things on a public message board? Some folks would see that as hate speech.
Narc: the ensuing conversation is so violent and filled with hate and vulgar language that we can’t repeat it in a public blog like this one.
A Normal reaction to a post filled with hate, is to feel Angry and Defensive, which is how a Narc hypnotizes a Normal. The Normal cannot understand how their statement was so horrific- to trigger such a vicious onslaught....
The Normal’s Defense of themselves- with strong words- then allows the Narc’s fellow Narcs to rally around the ‘injustice’ against their friend, and then ALL of them begin violent, hate-filled speech directed at the lone Normal.
Disturbingly, we’ve begun to see where the situations are being staged, and Normals are being duped into being the Instigator, just so a group of Narcs have a victim to verbally rape and brutalize (no, those words are not an exaggeration; they are quite appropriate).
Sometimes, the initial Hate Speech is stated for the sole purpose of offending someone into taking an opposing stance, just so the Group of Narcs has someone to verbally Demolish. This allows them to Deflate someone to Inflate themselves; Deflect their negative emotions onto someone else; etc...
This is further Deconstructed in Defense & Defend.
Back to The D List Index
Defense, Defend, Defensive Situations, Drama
Narcs are masters at instigating Drama (conflict)- in such a way- to make themselves the victim.
By using passive-aggressive manipulations or incessantly ‘poking the bear,’ they force a Normal into a corner- where the Normal must Explode to protect themselves or something they strongly believe in. Since the explosion appears unprovoked or an over reaction, the Narc looks to be the victim. This Victimization then allows others to come to aid of Narc, to Defend them.
In Truth, the Narc created the Defensive situation, and it is the Normal who truly deserves to be Defended.
Conservative Media Personalities are seeing this with increasing regularity, but more on this later...
In another Defensive situation, a member of a competitive team was instinctively chosen to be the Team’s ‘confidant,’ because she showed empathy, & compassion- two emotions Narcs easily manipulate.
For Weeks, every member of the team went to this one person to dump their garbage, share their dirty laundry, and seek advice. The Confidant listened with compassion, validated each member, and innocently offered guidance to each team member.
During a stressful competition- out of town- the Narcs lost their control and the entire team turned on the Confidant. The Narcs Deflected their burdens onto the Confidant, as well as, the Drama they created- by blaming all of the conflict on the Confidant.
They all, blatantly, lied stating that the hate-filled statements originated from the Confidant, and not themselves. The Team needed a Scapegoat to Deflect their negative emotions onto, and created the Deceptive situation to absolve themselves of any responsibility for their contributions to the conflict.
This effectively Dismissed the Confidant’s Truths-with a host of lies; Deflated the Confidant- thus allowing the Narcs to feel Superior; Deflected all blame onto the Confidant; Used Drama as a Decoy, Detour and Distraction so the Narc’s wouldn’t have to cope with their own insecurities.
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By using passive-aggressive manipulations or incessantly ‘poking the bear,’ they force a Normal into a corner- where the Normal must Explode to protect themselves or something they strongly believe in. Since the explosion appears unprovoked or an over reaction, the Narc looks to be the victim. This Victimization then allows others to come to aid of Narc, to Defend them.
In Truth, the Narc created the Defensive situation, and it is the Normal who truly deserves to be Defended.
Conservative Media Personalities are seeing this with increasing regularity, but more on this later...
In another Defensive situation, a member of a competitive team was instinctively chosen to be the Team’s ‘confidant,’ because she showed empathy, & compassion- two emotions Narcs easily manipulate.
For Weeks, every member of the team went to this one person to dump their garbage, share their dirty laundry, and seek advice. The Confidant listened with compassion, validated each member, and innocently offered guidance to each team member.
During a stressful competition- out of town- the Narcs lost their control and the entire team turned on the Confidant. The Narcs Deflected their burdens onto the Confidant, as well as, the Drama they created- by blaming all of the conflict on the Confidant.
They all, blatantly, lied stating that the hate-filled statements originated from the Confidant, and not themselves. The Team needed a Scapegoat to Deflect their negative emotions onto, and created the Deceptive situation to absolve themselves of any responsibility for their contributions to the conflict.
This effectively Dismissed the Confidant’s Truths-with a host of lies; Deflated the Confidant- thus allowing the Narcs to feel Superior; Deflected all blame onto the Confidant; Used Drama as a Decoy, Detour and Distraction so the Narc’s wouldn’t have to cope with their own insecurities.
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Deflate, Diminish, Destroy
Narcs have no self esteem of their own, so they make themselves feel Superior, by making everyone around them look or feel inferior.
Narcs have numerous techniques of Deflating and Diminishing the people around them. When pushed to perform or they are held accountable for their own mistakes, a Narc instinctively knows which buttons to push to Destroy or Demolish anyone who dares to Disrupt their Delusion.
Narcs keep others around them ‘off balance,’ and/or they hypnotize folks into constantly striving to please the Narc.
They accomplish this by Diminishing Normals with harsh criticisms on the tiniest of imperfections, and rarely offer any positive feedback. Eventually, the Normal will accept a simple "Thanks" as glowing praise, since there is so little positive reenforcement from Narcs.
Instead of complimenting others on small achievements, they Diminish those accomplishments.
Normal: I just made a Huge sale and put my team over 100% for the quarter, and we have two weeks left!
Narc: Big Deal. You want a Nobel Prize for that?! Do you think that is going to solve the economy problems?
And the Next Day, the Narc will pull that Double Standard by bringing in Doughnuts to thank the crew for helping the Narc to merely meet his required sales goal.
The Narc used a Decoy to Deflect praise from the other big Sale; Diminished the other person for not sharing their victory and buying doughnuts, and made everyone in the Office Love the Narc, despite their tyrannical leadership and Dodging Responsibility by Deflecting blame onto the Subordinates for his own failures.
Without saying anything directly negative, the Narc has Diminished the accomplishment and Deflated the Normal’s Self Esteem.
And then the Narc will Destroy his opponent by saying, ‘Well, if your sales were so good, why didn’t you bring Doughnuts for the rest of the Office? Are you so selfish to not recognize how everyone else helped you achieve that goal?"
This is another Deflection, blaming someone else for doing the exact same thing as the Narc, so the narc has a scapegoat and can absolve themselves of this guilt.
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Narcs have numerous techniques of Deflating and Diminishing the people around them. When pushed to perform or they are held accountable for their own mistakes, a Narc instinctively knows which buttons to push to Destroy or Demolish anyone who dares to Disrupt their Delusion.
Narcs keep others around them ‘off balance,’ and/or they hypnotize folks into constantly striving to please the Narc.
They accomplish this by Diminishing Normals with harsh criticisms on the tiniest of imperfections, and rarely offer any positive feedback. Eventually, the Normal will accept a simple "Thanks" as glowing praise, since there is so little positive reenforcement from Narcs.
Instead of complimenting others on small achievements, they Diminish those accomplishments.
Normal: I just made a Huge sale and put my team over 100% for the quarter, and we have two weeks left!
Narc: Big Deal. You want a Nobel Prize for that?! Do you think that is going to solve the economy problems?
And the Next Day, the Narc will pull that Double Standard by bringing in Doughnuts to thank the crew for helping the Narc to merely meet his required sales goal.
The Narc used a Decoy to Deflect praise from the other big Sale; Diminished the other person for not sharing their victory and buying doughnuts, and made everyone in the Office Love the Narc, despite their tyrannical leadership and Dodging Responsibility by Deflecting blame onto the Subordinates for his own failures.
Without saying anything directly negative, the Narc has Diminished the accomplishment and Deflated the Normal’s Self Esteem.
And then the Narc will Destroy his opponent by saying, ‘Well, if your sales were so good, why didn’t you bring Doughnuts for the rest of the Office? Are you so selfish to not recognize how everyone else helped you achieve that goal?"
This is another Deflection, blaming someone else for doing the exact same thing as the Narc, so the narc has a scapegoat and can absolve themselves of this guilt.
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Demolish, Deny
In arguments, they use Deflection to avoid responsibility and then point out the Normal’s mistakes as being much more heinous. Normals are willing to take responsibility for their contributions to a conflict, and Narcs know how to use this in their own favor.
I n the long run, this Demolishes a Normal’s self esteem, because they begin to believe the Narc. Abusive Relationships are built on this subtle, but constant Diminishing and Deflating of a Normal’s accomplishments and even their worth on the planet.
When pushed into a corner, Narcs will use every single weakness, insecurity and even physical handicaps as fair game for their Demolition of their opponent. Even the strongest individual will be worn down by a Narc, because they are relentless, and never never never apologize or recognize their actions as contributing to the problem.
Their tenacity in Denying their mistakes, will cause Normals to doubt their sanity, their memory, and their own self worth.
Even when packing up their belongings for getting fired- due to insubordination or stealing company supplies; or going to jail for spousal battery; or loading up the car after a divorce: they will not apologize, because it is always someone else’s fault.
These actions should sound familiar; they are the tactics employed by Abusive People to exact complete control over their victims. We cannot say that All Abusers are Narcs, but most Narcs are abusive.
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I n the long run, this Demolishes a Normal’s self esteem, because they begin to believe the Narc. Abusive Relationships are built on this subtle, but constant Diminishing and Deflating of a Normal’s accomplishments and even their worth on the planet.
When pushed into a corner, Narcs will use every single weakness, insecurity and even physical handicaps as fair game for their Demolition of their opponent. Even the strongest individual will be worn down by a Narc, because they are relentless, and never never never apologize or recognize their actions as contributing to the problem.
Their tenacity in Denying their mistakes, will cause Normals to doubt their sanity, their memory, and their own self worth.
Even when packing up their belongings for getting fired- due to insubordination or stealing company supplies; or going to jail for spousal battery; or loading up the car after a divorce: they will not apologize, because it is always someone else’s fault.
These actions should sound familiar; they are the tactics employed by Abusive People to exact complete control over their victims. We cannot say that All Abusers are Narcs, but most Narcs are abusive.
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Defalcate
Defalcate- steal or misuse funds; embezzle. In the case of Narcs, they Defalcate power through continuous, tenacious but subtle manipulations, also called Hypnosis.
The most glaring examples of this are Jim Jones and his followers at Jonestown, as well as David Koresh and his Branch Davidians outside Waco, Texas. (See Carefully Constructed Universes)
In other less horrific examples, include an enigmatic new supervisor joins a food service unit and details the Life Size Gingerbread house they will build for Christmas....and at another time- a huge all day celebration of the local Veterans.
This Supervisor calls the network Morning News Teams and provides all the details of the events.... Invitations to the Governor and Generals/Admirals, Dinners for the Vets, special freebies for their families....
Two weeks before each event, one of the News teams calls to verify the details, and the staff realizes that nothing has been done. No freebies for Veterans’ Families; menus haven’t been organized -nor the food ordered, no invitations to the Governor or Generals, no supplies ordered for the gingerbread house... and to prevent their complete embarrassment... the employees scramble to pull the events together at the last minute.
After the Memorial Day fiasco, this supervisor Ducked out, to avoid being fired... which brings us to the last of the Defense Mechanisms.
Narcs Defalcate power from everyone around them, as a means of getting their needs met, at the expense of everyone else.
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The most glaring examples of this are Jim Jones and his followers at Jonestown, as well as David Koresh and his Branch Davidians outside Waco, Texas. (See Carefully Constructed Universes)
In other less horrific examples, include an enigmatic new supervisor joins a food service unit and details the Life Size Gingerbread house they will build for Christmas....and at another time- a huge all day celebration of the local Veterans.
This Supervisor calls the network Morning News Teams and provides all the details of the events.... Invitations to the Governor and Generals/Admirals, Dinners for the Vets, special freebies for their families....
Two weeks before each event, one of the News teams calls to verify the details, and the staff realizes that nothing has been done. No freebies for Veterans’ Families; menus haven’t been organized -nor the food ordered, no invitations to the Governor or Generals, no supplies ordered for the gingerbread house... and to prevent their complete embarrassment... the employees scramble to pull the events together at the last minute.
After the Memorial Day fiasco, this supervisor Ducked out, to avoid being fired... which brings us to the last of the Defense Mechanisms.
Narcs Defalcate power from everyone around them, as a means of getting their needs met, at the expense of everyone else.
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Detatch, Disengage,
When Narcs are trapped in a Corner, they will Detatch- refuse to speak - shut down. It is like they believe turning their back on the Complainant will Dismiss the complaints against them. A Narcs’ greatest insult is to Disrespect the person, by pretending they don’t even exist.
Remember, the greatest gift of all is to be in the presence of a Narc, and when the Narc withdraws that acceptance, the Normal should shrivel to nothing and die.
If a Narc acknowledges a polite request to discuss something further, it will signal that they have forgiven transgressions against them, and that nullifies their victim status. Dismiss the Transgression and they can’t be the victim anymore, and get others to Defend their Delusions.
Detaching also gives them time to find better ways of Dodging responsibility or accountability by Deflecting Blame onto someone else or create a new Decoy; or generate new Detours.
A Narc’s last act of Defiance is to Disengage entirely. When they realize there are no more D’s to throw at a situation; they leave. Narcs are like Con Artists using up all the resources of a victim, before skipping out of town.
Most mental healthcare professionals will tell Normals to Disengage from relationships with Narcs, to prevent further damage to their own self esteems and self worth.
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Remember, the greatest gift of all is to be in the presence of a Narc, and when the Narc withdraws that acceptance, the Normal should shrivel to nothing and die.
If a Narc acknowledges a polite request to discuss something further, it will signal that they have forgiven transgressions against them, and that nullifies their victim status. Dismiss the Transgression and they can’t be the victim anymore, and get others to Defend their Delusions.
Detaching also gives them time to find better ways of Dodging responsibility or accountability by Deflecting Blame onto someone else or create a new Decoy; or generate new Detours.
A Narc’s last act of Defiance is to Disengage entirely. When they realize there are no more D’s to throw at a situation; they leave. Narcs are like Con Artists using up all the resources of a victim, before skipping out of town.
Most mental healthcare professionals will tell Normals to Disengage from relationships with Narcs, to prevent further damage to their own self esteems and self worth.
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Final D word- Democrat
Finally, the last D Word is Democrat. In studying and experimenting how to interact with Narcs, we began to see startling similarities to the tactics that Democrats have employed over the previous 3 elections; with the Defense Mechanisms Narcissists employ.
Dodging responsibility for the Housing/Banking Crisis by forgetting it was a Democrat that Deregulated the industry to allow anyone to get a home loan, whether they could afford it or even have a job to pay it.
Deflecting blame for the Economy Crisis the Housing Industry caused-onto the Republicans and the previous administration for spending too much money in Iraq. Obama's return to the Torture allegations against the CIA and the Bush administration is an attempt to deflect 'blame/focus on his dying Health Care Bill onto 'someone else's actions that are much more heinous than his own.' Another attempt to prevent any Disruption of the Delusions about him.
By promoting the Delusions that a Junior Senator- who has never held a leadership role in his life- is this nation’s Savior due to his Special Intelligence and Intuition.
Using this astronomical Porkulus Bill to Detour/Distract Americans from the fact that all this generation of Democrats want is to Defalcate the Power through Socialism- if they control all the Money; they control of all the Power.
Deflating, Diminishing, Demolishing and Destroying Sarah Palin and her family served as a Decoy to Distract Voters from seeing the criminals, inexperience, and dangerous political & religious associations, in the background of the Democratic candidate.
By using Double Standards in allowing Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Jeremiah Wright to openly promote bigotry and prejudice, while using separation of church and state to aggressively silence all Christians and remove their values from our culture. The disastrous results of the Porkulus Bill to 'stimulate' the economy instead of driving us into deep debt, the failure of his Health Care bill because it would drive us into unrecoverable debt, these were not as heinous as what Obama's predecessors allegedly did to few enemies of this country... another double standard.
Through Devious tactics to Deceive the public, we still don't know all of Obama’s background, we don't know where his Loyalties lie, we have never seen his Birth Certificate, etc. His paranoia enabled him to set up a Spy Network, where common every day people could report any one speaking against his Healthcare bill, and he decieved folks by saying he was trying to 'prevent' misinformation. He tried to deceive the public into thinking that his National Healthcare Insurance would: improve healthcare, lower costs, and enable everyone to receive healthcare. The simple Numbers completely refute any of these deceptions.
Obama Defalcated power by a government style corporate take over of GM, & the Banking Industry AND creating an Interrogation Unit that would report directly to him. He is attempting to defalcate even more power by removing all interrogation from the CIA and put that 'power' under his own personal Interrogation Unit. His Health Care bill was another attempt to Defalcate power by hiding Socialized Healthcare under the guise of a National Health Insurance. The one thing that truly bothers us the most: he set up a spy network for common every day folks to report anyone speaking against him (Health Care Facts Report Center), this is a way for him to defalcate power over our 2nd Amendment rights to free speech.
As Ann Coulter says in the blurb of her new book, Guilty:
Liberals always have the to be the victims, particularly when they are oppressing others. (Usurp Defense from others by instigating fights.) Modern victims aren't victims because of what they have suffered; they are victims of convenience for the Left...(Delusions, Distractions, Decoys). Playing the game of He Who Is Offended First Wins, the key to any political argument is to pretend to be insulted and register operatic anger. (Double Standards, Devious, Diminish, Destroy, Demolish). Liberals are the masters of finger-wagging indignation. (Deflect, Decoy, Distractions, Detour). They will wail about some perceived slight to a sacred feeling of theirs, frightening people who have never before witnessed the liberal's capacity to invoke synthetic outrage. (Double Standard, Dodge, Distract, Decoy, Detour, Diminish, Demolish, Destroy). Distracted by the crocodile tears of the liberal, Americans don't notice that these fake victims are attacking, advancing, and creating genuine victims. (Normals must Disengage to prevent further Damage.)
Bill O’Rielly and Laura Ingrham have both noted the incessant and malicious attacks on their persons and beliefs, from Democrats. (Deflate, Destroy, Diminish, Demolish, instigating Defensive Situations)
Recently, Ali Sina has used Dr. Vaknin’s research on NPD and noticed a strong resemblance to the rise of B.H. Obama and how he successfully created a Cult of Personality. He compared the rise of Obama to that of previous tyrant dictators such as Hitler, Stalin and Khomeni. The comparisons are NOT based on any political ideology, but instead focus on the manifestations of NPD that all of these tyrants exhibited, especially Barack Obama.
Understanding Obama: The Making of a Fuehrer
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